So these past 17 days have felt like a nightmare to me that I can't wake up from. Wait, I really can't wake up from this Nightmare! Everyday I wake up and ask myself if this is real. Yes it is! I can not stand it. Everyday I go to the hospital hoping for some good news, more than good, AMAZING but it never comes. It seems like there is something that goes wrong every single day. I just want to stay with her 24/7 but I know that I can't cause I have my own kids to take care of and have neglected the last 2 1/2 weeks.
I took them to see Christy today. Dallas was first, he had asked earlier before we went if he could show her his cowboy boots. Of course he could. When he went in the room he got really quiet which I expected because she looks so awful with no hair and 3 huge scars on her head. I said "Christy Dallas wanted to show you his cowboy boots" so I lifted his leg up so she could see. I don't know if she could very well cause she hasn't ever had the best eye sight and she didn't have her glasses on. Plus the swelling going on in her head and her pain in her head I don't think helps. But I showed her anyways. I think she gave a thumbs up. She did wave at all of them when they came in though so that was a good sign. Dakota came in next and like Dallas got really quiet but he gave her a hug and she hugged him back. That was nice. They didn't like staying in there for very long, I don't blame them they don't totally understand what is going on. Savanah went in next she told Christy that she missed her and just began to cry. I held her tight and told her that it would be ok!(I hope I was right). Shelby came in next. She had seen her in the ICU so she is used to seeing her this way but this time she didn't have all the tubes coming out of her which is a good sign. Sammy went with me to see her yesterday and it scared her so she just held me tight and looked the other way. Christy tried to hold her hand but she wouldn't have it. Christy did get to rub her back a little but I don't think Sammy liked it she was so scared. I know for sure she has no idea what is going on or even if she remembers what she used to look like. I couldn't get her to come in the room today she is still scared. I hope it's not hurting Christy's feelings it sure does hurt mine but I want her to know that it's still her Aunt but just different right now.
Every time I see her I hold up my fingers to say I LOVE YOU and she does it back! I know she does. I just wish she could say it.
She has been failing her swallow tests to see if she can swallow but she still can't and they (doctors/nurses) think it's going to be a while yet before she can. It tore my heart out to think that it will be a long time before she can taste her favorite food and candy again. I just wanted to cry but I didn't want her to see me cry. I have wanted to cry a lot but I just haven't been able to yet. When it hits I am prepared for it to hit hard!
Some fun things Christy does is we have this family "joke" that we do to each other. I am not sure who started it, probably Aaron, but it is SO AWESOME to see that she remembers that part of her life. What it is is that we take our finger like we are trying to get a little kid to come to us and we get close to that person and they slap our face, not hard, but it is so funny! I even got the courage to do it to my Dad the one day and I am surprised that he didn't slap me back HAHA! My Dad has changed A LOT since her accident, for the better, but it hurts that it had to come to something like this to happen for it to change. I have heard my Dad cry 3 times since and in my almost 32 years I have NEVER heard him cry even when my Grandpa, his Dad, died.
The best thing that has happened is that our Family has grown closer together which is a good thing. We are close but we are tons closer now!
I feel bad that just the day before her accident I was complaining about her to a sister for something that she did. It was something STUPID! I regret everyday the times I have ever said anything bad about her or whatever. I know we all aren't perfect but I almost lost my sister and it would have KILLED me to think that was the last thing I thought of her if this situation was worse than it is now. I have learned one thing, or two. I will NEVER, no matter what it is that bugs me, will NEVER talk down to my siblings ever again. Most the time it's petty stuff. I will also not take being able to talk to my family and see them every day for granted. This has been a HUGE eye opener!
I can't even describe the feelings I have for my sister. I don't think you realize how much LOVE you have for someone until you almost lose them. I love her SO MUCH and I can't wait until the day that we get our Christy back! I wish these days would just skip a few weeks for us. I know it's going to be a long road and I will be there for her every step of the way!
Christy... You mean the world to me. I am so glad that you are still here with us and I get to hold your hand everyday and kiss your check! I am lucky to have 5 BFF's, Teresa, Andrea, Stephanie, You (Christy) and Kara. I am the luckiest person to have that many BFF's! I don't need other friends as long as I have them in my life!
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