Christmas

**WARNING**
No I don't want sympathy or anything I just need to vent so if you don't want to hear it then don't read it. 

I really HATE the holidays... I know how dare me?  But I do.  I love the spirit of Christmas and the meaning but the last few years have been really tough for our family and it seems to be getting worse.  I usually do the day after Thanksgiving sales (I love the high you get) but this year I won't be... I absolutely have NO money and won't be getting any to spare anytime soon. Our checking was over 300 Negative!  I have applied to tons of places but no calls.  My tupperware stuff is a huge bust right now.  Doesn't anyone like Tupperware anymore or is it just me?  I go to LOTS of parties for people but when I do one no one comes.  My start up party was good though and that is probably the only one... Thanks to those that did come!

I have had a really rough couple of months myself.  I lost a "friend" that I realized wasn't a friend, I had a nephew fall out of a window, my Brother in Law broke his back, My sister was in the hospital for 10 1/2 weeks from falling down her stairs and almost died 3 times, my cousin was in a head on collision that took the life of the other driver and crushed my cousins legs, and now my last living grandparent died on Monday.  It was her 84th birthday too.  I am physically and EMOTIONALLY exhausted!  I seriously don't know how I am going to make it.  The only thing that keeps me going is my kids, that's it.  I'm sure if I didn't have them I would be gone long ago....  Now it's Christmas and the money situation is just driving my anxiety level through the roof... Thankfully I am on something for it.

I pray everyday that something good will happen to us but it hasn't yet... I know God doesn't always give us what we want.  I don't want much I just want to be able to pay my bills without worrying about loosing our house cause there will be no where for us to go, and I would like to buy a pkg of socks cause my kids' have holes in them or be able to get gas cause we are out.  I could go on and on right now.

Then I see things that I am not going to get in too but there are people in similar situations, or other situations that I know about and I see them buying this and that and buying Christmas card, going out to eat etc. and here I am in the kinda same situation and my husband and I haven't been out on a "date" for a long time, grocery store is date night for us, we can't buy christmas and can't buy anything.

I don't need any negative comments.... I warned about it, so if you have something negative to say PLEASE don't.  Like I said I can't take anymore.

For those that are reading this.... I am sorry!  I had to vent and I really don't have anyone to talk to so I write it down.

Heavenly Father please help me make it another day!  P.S. We could use something really awesome in our life right now.