Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

First of all I want to apologize for the post title... This is a experiment thing I got off of someone else's blog and I am just copying the titles.

Wow... is all I can think of this title, what to say what to say...  There has been people that has done this to me but I am NOT going to name names.  I will say that it was a so called friend.  They said some pretty nasty things to me, then not only that, they got my sister into it.  Who does that?  Seriously!  I have never really had good experiences with friends but I would never, so I hope, treat someone the way I was treated.  Plus it was for something so STUPID, at least I think it was.  Oh well.  Like I have said before in my other posts before.  Friends are nice to have but when it really comes down to it my family are my bestest friends. 

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

MY KIDS!



Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

This is an easy one for me and there is only one thing I hope I never have to do and that is....

To bury one of my children!

  I have had a couple of friends have to do this and it's the hardest thing.  I can't even imagine what they go through every single day.  They are amazing women!  You know who you are!

(((HUGS)))

Its a momderful life

For all you moms out there.  Here is a place where you can find fun activities and quotes for us to use in our everyday life.  Hope you enjoy!
www.itsamomderfullife.blogspot.com

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

This is going to be a long list I think.  Well here goes nothing....

• Would love to go to Hawaii.  But first I need to get over the fear of flying.  Maybe when/if I do go to Hawaii I will conquer that fear.  Probably with some kind of pill.  LOL
• A cruise... Aww that would be awesome. 
• Get financially stable and not ever have to worry about money again... Ya right!  HAHA
• Travel the country and visit different places to try different foods cause I am one picky eater.
• Finish the side of my house... Get concrete.
• Get a job that I absolutely love so I could get paid doing something I enjoy.  It would be so fun to wake up everyday and be excited about going to work.
• Go to Sea World and swim with the dolphins... I LOVE dolphins they are amazing
• Take my family on a week long vacation to somewhere amazing... Maybe Sea World?  :)
• Get into shape..... Hmmmm that would require working out.  Maybe if I got a pass I would do it more often.

There are so many things I would Love to do but this list is going to have to wait and get updated freguently.  For now I got things to get done. My husband also "needs" the computer.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Well I know that I need to forgive someone for something but I feel like I need an apology first, which I will probably never get.  I am over it and I don't things will ever change but I am not going to dwell on it.  My family (husband, kids, sisters, brothers, parents, etc) are the MOST important thing in my life!  After the trials our family has gone through the last few months I have realized that.  I may still be sad that it happened because that is how I am but that's about it.  Forgiveness is hard to give when you have been so hurt by someone, and someone that you thought understood you.  I was wrong!  I have been hurt a LOT in my life and I am not going to be put in that situation ever again.  Families are EVERYTHING!  "Live today as if tomorrow will be the Last" 

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

They just keep getting harder and harder....  I need to forgive myself for how I am sometimes. For instance getting my feelings hurt to easily.  I absolutely hate it!  But this is who I am I have tried not to let things effect me but I just can't do it.  I am an emotional person.  I have tried to change and I have come to the conclusion that this is me and if people don't like it then I am sorry.  If you can't love me for who I AM then there is no reason to love me because I can't change who I am for you. 

Samantha

I know I have probably said this before but Samantha is such a wonderful little girl.  She is so easy going and is hardly ever bad.  I feel so lucky to have her in my life.  I love my other kids to death but they were/are a lot harder than her.  I am glad that she is my last too.  I LOVE babies but after watching my cute little nephew a few times I forgot how hard it can be. 

Samantha makes my day pretty much every day.  She says the funniest things.  The other day I went to give her her toothbrush so she could brush her teeth, we just got new ones.  I handed her Savanah's cause I didn't remember whos was whos.  She looks at me and says "that is Nana's you silly goose"  HAHA!

She also LOVES to wear makeup.  She is deffinately going to be a girly girl.  Almost once a week she asks me to paint her toes and fingers. 

I was putting on makeup the other day and she said "why do you put on makeup" and I said "to make me look pretty"  She said "I want to look pretty"...  Doesn't she know she is BEAUTIFUL?

I am going to have to start writing down all the things she says so I don't forget.  I don't have the best memory. 

Didn't she do a Great Job?

Day 2: Something you love about yourself

• I care for others more than myself
• I love my new hair!
• I love my toes... I know weird but I think they are cute, They are webbed.  They look normal to and other peoples feet are ugly.
• I am a helpful person.

I am really tired right now so I can not think... Maybe I will update it later.  For now I am going to go rest just if only for a minute.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

• That I am too giving... I always get hurt in the end it seems like
• How tall I am.... It is very hard finding pants that are long enough for my legs, so I hate how LONG my legs are.
• I am shy, most of the time
• I can't keep my mouth shut sometimes
• That I am not OCD for cleaning.. I am pretty clean but I want to be immaculant! :)  I would LOVE this quality.
• I hate the curl at the bottom of my hair when it is longer
• I hate the spot on the back of my head where I can't do anything with my hair.  My daughter Savanah has it to in the same spot... SO annoying!
• I keep my feelings inside... Then one day I explode, hence my keeping my mouth shut. 
• I hate hurting peoples feelings... though I don't mean too.
• I get my feelings hurt easily... I don't mean to but it's hard changing something you are.  I have been like this for 32 yrs.  People just say don't worry about it but I am a worrier.
• I am sure there is more I could come up with but it will have to wait.  I need to get busy!  Speaking of motivation, I need to find mine.
• I have the worst memory ever!  I wish I didn't, I would love to remember things that I don't until someone starts to talk about it.
• I don't have lots of motivation most days.

I am sure there is more I could come up with but for now I need to focus on that motivation I was talking about, now it is time to actually do it!

Experiment

I found this on another blog and thought that I would try it.  30 days of answering these questions about yourself/life.   We will see if I can do it but I thought it was a GREAT idea.  So here we go... This is the list:

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself. 
Day 2: Something you love about yourself. 
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for. 
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for. 
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life. 
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do. 
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for. 
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. 
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. 
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. 
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on. 
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on. 
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) 
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter) 
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. 
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without. 
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. 
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage. 
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? 
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol. 
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? 
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. 
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life. 
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) 
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today. 
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? 
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now? 
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? 
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. 
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Bigger Bed + Bigger Room = More Comfort!

I went to visit Christy yesterday on my way home from running errands. Got to her room and wait... Her bed is made and there is NONE of her stuff in there...??? What the heck? So I went to the nurses station and asked "where is my sister?" They said "oh we moved her" wheww, I wasn't really worried but it was odd cause I hadn't heard anything about them changing her into a different room.

Her new room is BIG and it has a Queen size bed which is very comfortable! They said it is so she can be used to be in the home life. Which makes sense since will have been in the hospital for over 9 weeks by the time she gets home. They said they will even let her husband sleep in the bed with her. I hope he can control himself.... HAHA!

Her surgery is scheduled for Monday. This is the surgery that is going to put something in her skull to replace the piece they had to remove. Which means NO MORE ugly brown helmet. The bad thing is it's another surgery. It's not as dangerous as the first 3 but still it's in the head so there is always some risks. Our prayers have been answered so far so I believe she will be just fine. They said that when she has her surgery she will go back to the 4th floor to recover. ICU! Gah... I don't ever want to see ICU again. It may not be ICU but it will be that floor. After she recovers then they will send her home which sounds like only a few days after her surgery! YAY!!! I am so excited that she gets to go home. The only bad thing is that I will have a little farther to drive to see her :( Oh well at least she is going to be home!

It has been the longest almost 9 weeks ever! 9 weeks ago we didn't know if she was even going to survive and now she is walking 500 ft with her walker and someone on each side of her to keep her from falling. She is talking, which is a huge accomplishment, and she is laughing! It is so fun to hear her laugh. The only thing we really need to work on is her swallowing, she needs to get that back so we can get off the PEG line. She is eating a little now but not enough to have it removed. We are waiting for the day when she can have a Mint Chocolate Creamie her FAVORITE! We are going to have a Party when she can.

Our family has seen miracles in the last 9 weeks. If you don't believe that there is a god... You will after an experience like this.

We love you Christy!

Appendicitis?

SERIOUSLY?

A couple weeks ago Chad started to feel sick but we thought at first that it was the bug that everyone has been giving to each other. Except his would NOT go away! Plus with all the stuff that is going on right now Chad didn't want to worry me with something else so he didn't say anything for a few days.

September 22nd Chad called me from work and said he needed to go to the Dr. cause his side was hurting really bad. I said "Well if it is still hurting in the morning we will call" Well it was hurting in the morning really bad and he felt really sick plus could hardly walk. I dropped off Chad to the Dr's while I went to my parents house to help get things done for the fundraiser. A while later he called and said "you need to come get me and take me to the hospital, they want a CT scan ASAP, and said don't go anywhere other than the hospital DON"T LEAVE!" What the heck? I thought it was just the flu. We went over to Timpanogos Hospital. He had orders to get a CT scan "STAT" but I don't think they knew what STAT meant. Finally they did the CT scan and the nurse told us to wait for the results in the waiting room where the Dr would call us there. We waited what seemed like forever. Dr called and said its appendicitis he was calling the surgeon just stay there. What seemed like forever again the surgeon came to us and went in to look at the scan. He said that he thought there might be a micro rupture but won't know for sure until they get inside. They scheduled the surgery for 4 hours because he had had some sips of water. Luckily it wasn't ruptured but almost. Good thing we went when we did or it could be tons worse. And because he didn't "pass some tests" he had to stay in an extra night. The Dr. wanted to keep him another day again but let him leave anyways. He has been out of work from it for 1 1/2 weeks with NO sick leave, Vacation, NOTHING! I swear can my month get any worse *knock on wood*. I can not handle anything else I have had enough. People say God only gives you what you can handle. Well I think they lie! I am physically, and emotionally drained. If one more thing happens I may have to skip the country or something. I pray that things start going up from here cause I could use some good in my life right now.

Christy's Progress

Christy's Progress

Just after having 3 Brain Surgeries Consecutively

A few Days Later... Still has Breathing and Feeding Tube

Wide Awake!

Getting her Teeth Cleaned... She really needed it Wheww

4th Surgery to remove the skull that was dead and the staph infection. She was a Trooper! Back of her head... It is so GROSS!! She looks AMAZING!!!

I LOVE YOU CHRISTY

Nightmare Day 17

So these past 17 days have felt like a nightmare to me that I can't wake up from. Wait, I really can't wake up from this Nightmare! Everyday I wake up and ask myself if this is real. Yes it is! I can not stand it. Everyday I go to the hospital hoping for some good news, more than good, AMAZING but it never comes. It seems like there is something that goes wrong every single day. I just want to stay with her 24/7 but I know that I can't cause I have my own kids to take care of and have neglected the last 2 1/2 weeks.

I took them to see Christy today. Dallas was first, he had asked earlier before we went if he could show her his cowboy boots. Of course he could. When he went in the room he got really quiet which I expected because she looks so awful with no hair and 3 huge scars on her head. I said "Christy Dallas wanted to show you his cowboy boots" so I lifted his leg up so she could see. I don't know if she could very well cause she hasn't ever had the best eye sight and she didn't have her glasses on. Plus the swelling going on in her head and her pain in her head I don't think helps. But I showed her anyways. I think she gave a thumbs up. She did wave at all of them when they came in though so that was a good sign. Dakota came in next and like Dallas got really quiet but he gave her a hug and she hugged him back. That was nice. They didn't like staying in there for very long, I don't blame them they don't totally understand what is going on. Savanah went in next she told Christy that she missed her and just began to cry. I held her tight and told her that it would be ok!(I hope I was right). Shelby came in next. She had seen her in the ICU so she is used to seeing her this way but this time she didn't have all the tubes coming out of her which is a good sign. Sammy went with me to see her yesterday and it scared her so she just held me tight and looked the other way. Christy tried to hold her hand but she wouldn't have it. Christy did get to rub her back a little but I don't think Sammy liked it she was so scared. I know for sure she has no idea what is going on or even if she remembers what she used to look like. I couldn't get her to come in the room today she is still scared. I hope it's not hurting Christy's feelings it sure does hurt mine but I want her to know that it's still her Aunt but just different right now.

Every time I see her I hold up my fingers to say I LOVE YOU and she does it back! I know she does. I just wish she could say it.

She has been failing her swallow tests to see if she can swallow but she still can't and they (doctors/nurses) think it's going to be a while yet before she can. It tore my heart out to think that it will be a long time before she can taste her favorite food and candy again. I just wanted to cry but I didn't want her to see me cry. I have wanted to cry a lot but I just haven't been able to yet. When it hits I am prepared for it to hit hard!

Some fun things Christy does is we have this family "joke" that we do to each other. I am not sure who started it, probably Aaron, but it is SO AWESOME to see that she remembers that part of her life. What it is is that we take our finger like we are trying to get a little kid to come to us and we get close to that person and they slap our face, not hard, but it is so funny! I even got the courage to do it to my Dad the one day and I am surprised that he didn't slap me back HAHA! My Dad has changed A LOT since her accident, for the better, but it hurts that it had to come to something like this to happen for it to change. I have heard my Dad cry 3 times since and in my almost 32 years I have NEVER heard him cry even when my Grandpa, his Dad, died.

The best thing that has happened is that our Family has grown closer together which is a good thing. We are close but we are tons closer now!

I feel bad that just the day before her accident I was complaining about her to a sister for something that she did. It was something STUPID! I regret everyday the times I have ever said anything bad about her or whatever. I know we all aren't perfect but I almost lost my sister and it would have KILLED me to think that was the last thing I thought of her if this situation was worse than it is now. I have learned one thing, or two. I will NEVER, no matter what it is that bugs me, will NEVER talk down to my siblings ever again. Most the time it's petty stuff. I will also not take being able to talk to my family and see them every day for granted. This has been a HUGE eye opener!

I can't even describe the feelings I have for my sister. I don't think you realize how much LOVE you have for someone until you almost lose them. I love her SO MUCH and I can't wait until the day that we get our Christy back! I wish these days would just skip a few weeks for us. I know it's going to be a long road and I will be there for her every step of the way!

Christy... You mean the world to me. I am so glad that you are still here with us and I get to hold your hand everyday and kiss your check! I am lucky to have 5 BFF's, Teresa, Andrea, Stephanie, You (Christy) and Kara. I am the luckiest person to have that many BFF's! I don't need other friends as long as I have them in my life!

Just a little bit?????

So today we were in with Christy. Me, Andrea and Aaron. Since she has been awake she seems to always want Aaron in there with her. I don't understand why but she does. When we were in there she reached out to Aaron to give him a hug. I asked her "why do you like Aaron so much?" and she just shrugged her shoulders like 'I don't know'. Then Andrea said how much do you like me and she held up her hand and showed her a little bit with her fingers, so I asked "what about me" and she did the same thing. She sure does have a great sense of humor right now which I love to see. I then asked her "How much do you like Aaron?" and she again lifted her hand and made it like she was saying "so so". I love the things that I get to see her do. It is SO awesome! I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.

Breathing Tube Removed!

Today Christy got to try to have her breathing tube removed again. This time it WORKED! That last time was way scary. I got to the hospital at 7 am so I could give Dustin a rest. The nurse came in and said that they were going to try it so Dustin stayed. Did I mention that Christy was WIDE AWAKE! I took a video of her that you will have to look at my facebook to see but it was AWESOME.

After it was removed she tried and tried to talk to us but since she had a tube down her throat for the last 8 days it wasn't working out very well so she began to use her hands. We tried to figure it out. I am surprised that most of it we got. The rest we are anxiously waiting to see if she remembers what she was going to tell us and what it was.

Out of one thing that she was telling us it seems to be that she saw my brother Aaron during her surgery praying, crying and running to my brother Jared to let him know what was going on. She didn't even know he was bow hunting or the stuff that had happened. We know that she was there watching over him. He was VERY upset. He cried more than I have ever seen him cry and we just cried with him. They both drove home from Monticello to be with us. I am so thankful that it was the decision they made.

My brother Daniel and his wife Janette drove from Cedar City to be with us as well. I am glad they all got there safe. (Jared did get a speeding ticket)

Another thing she was trying to say was something about "1 Army" we still don't know what this means but we have our guesses but that is what they are.. Guesses.

She did end up writing a lot down and that is how we figured most of it out but it was REALLY hard for her to do. She is so weak still and/or it is from the part of the brain matter they had to remove. She also is having a hard time with her left side, hopefully she will get all her use back after her therapy, which they are thinking she will be in by the end of the week :).

It feels like a long time since her accident but the days have thankfully gone by fast! But with the injuries she had we are amazed at the progress she has done. They are hoping tomorrow they can take out the tube that is in her head to check her pressure in her brain and if they can the nurse said we may be able to wheel her out to the waiting room so she can see Ryker. It was his 1st Birthday yesterday and he was starting to walk more than he ever has. He sure does LOVE my Dad and my Dad adores him (saying a lot about my dad). I hope that they can continue their bond that only they have.

Can't wait for what tomorrow brings! I love you my sister, one of my 5 BFF's!

Christy's Funnies

Last night I went in to see Christy with Aaron... We were looking at her and Aaron asked if they removed her braces cause we couldn't see them too well. I said "no they are just clear" and we looked over and she was giving us a look at my teeth smile. Aaron asked her to smile again and she did. It was awesome to see.

Also this night me and Teresa stayed with her through the night. I left around 1:30 so I could get some rest and watch Ryker in the morning. The RT (repsritory therapist) had to suction out her mouth, they have to do this more than once a day so it is normal. Well she did NOT like it very much and her heart rate dropped. SO SCARY! It went back to normal and she lifted up her hand, like she always does and had a fist. I said "do you want to punch him" and she lifted it up again. Then I said "you can punch him hard when you get feeling better and she lifted up her hand again with a fist and shook it at him. LOL!

Sometimes I wonder what she will remember and then sometimes there are times I hope she doesn't remember some things. I miss my sisters humor and her laugh so much right now. I can't wait to hear it again. If there is one thing I have learned through this experience is that no matter what Family is Forever and I will be there no matter what. I love her more than I thought I ever could and it kills me everytime I see her so uncomfortable and with all the tubes and machines on her. I love you SO MUCH Christy! I can't wait to joke around with you again and hear your laugh!

Christy

Yesterday they tried to take out her breathing tube... It went horribly wrong! Her throat began to swell so she couldn't breath and they weren't prepared for that to happen cause they said it's not common and that they didn't expect that to happen so they had to run to find the stuff they needed and she started to turn purple and was looking at my sister, who was in there at the time, with a look on her face that said "HELP" I so wanted to be there when they did it so I could her her say "hi" or whatever but now I am thankful I didn't because I would have totally lost it. They had to put the breathing tube back in and wont be able to try again for a few days! I hope this is one thing she DOESN'T remember!

Me and my sister Andrea stayed with her through the night and while there she kinda acted as though her feet were bugging her so we started to rub them and she totally relaxed them. When we would stop she would lift her foot up in the air as if she was saying "keep doing it"

She has these like blood pressure cuffs on her legs to help the blood go to her head so we think that they kept going numb.

Later that night she was semi awake and she started moving her legs around again like they were bugging her so I asked her if she wanted us to rub her feet and she shook her head yes. We did that for a while then I asked if she wanted us to stop and she shook her head NO. I then asked if it felt good and she made a movement with her eyes in a way that it was like she was saying "Awww that feels so good" It was awesome!

I was holding her hand with my hands and I had a itch on my jaw so I moved my shoulder up to itch it and we looked over at Christy and she was moving her shoulder up and down so I repeated what I did and she did it again. I said "you think your funny huh?" and she did it again but more and faster!

My favorite thing about being there, like there is much to like, but seeing her react the way she does whether she is following commands or answering questions with either a nod or a squeeze of the hand. It is cool to see that she does these things even with this kind of trauma.

I saw her stitches in the back of her head, we have seen the front 2, and it was TONS worse than I thought. It was in the middle of her head and went down all the way to her neck. Crazy! I hate seeing her have to cough and her head keeps hitting the bed. I am so glad that she is on morphine so she can't feel the pain. The nurse scrubbed her head clean and I just wanted to cry to think how much it would hurt. This is another thing I hope she DON'T remember!

I love you my sister Christy so much! I pray everyday that you recover well and quickly. I wish we could just fast forward 2+ weeks. Thanks for being the Awesome sister that you are!

LOVE YOU!

Taking too Long....

Last night I stayed with Christy so Dustin could get some sleep. I kept seeing her pull at something which I thought was her catheter. I then realized that it was the blue pad that she was laying on. I asked her if it was uncomfortable and she shook her head yes. I then asked her if she wanted me to fix it and again she shook her head yes. I was just waiting for the nurse to finish what she was doing so I could have her do it but I guess it was taking too long so she started grabbing at it and kept pulling it mostly out. Hope she isn’t mad at me. Next time she asks me to do something for her I won’t wait I will make them do it. :)

They are hoping to take out her breathing tube today. I hope they can. I can’t wait to hear her voice again!